ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He has the fingertips of a God
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