yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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