I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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