Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
