Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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