Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
