we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
