Will you blow on my dice?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
