I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize