I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
