WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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