there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
