Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
