I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
