Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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