my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
