I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
