It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
