Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
