man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
