can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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