we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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