the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
