Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm at about main and main street
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
