I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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