don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
