I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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