I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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