You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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