I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
