TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
