why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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