I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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