just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
home. puking in laundry basket.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
