he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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