how can u be prego again
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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