You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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