Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
