how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
