Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
