Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize