Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
