Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
