***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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