I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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