where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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