youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize