Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
