i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im part way to drunk.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
