i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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