Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
