dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
