Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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