Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
