Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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