when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
