Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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