she was so not down for the gang bang
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
