i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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