Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
