What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
