Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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