did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
