Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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