At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
