Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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