The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
