your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize