What did we do last night that was yellow?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My vagina just recognized that song.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
