the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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