rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
