Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
