The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
