WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
