sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They have beer where we have blood.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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