I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
