how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
