My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
