We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
whose parrot is this?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize