i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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