a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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