we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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