She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
