I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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