yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
