Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
