So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
