Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize