I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
