apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
