I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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