I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize