When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize