are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
