why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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