operation harelip BJ is a go
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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