I hate all girls vehemently.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
