no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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